Text Comparison (4/7/25)
Original:
Penny’s eyes flashed from Jamie’s scarlet dagger, to his face, then, with an effort of will, to his chest, watching for movement. The dagger had not been scarlet a few moments ago, before it dipped into Penny’s ribs. Now the blood rolled off its steel, drip-drip into the water, to curl like a red smoke-snake in the stream before rushing past the stone teeth, over the edge, to the whirlpool below their feet.
“Can we settle this peaceably?” Penny asked, then fearing to admit weakness, “Like men.”
“Coward.” Jamie’s grin ground between his teeth as he charged, knife slashing across Penny’s body, aimed at his throat. Penny’s hand slammed into Jamie’s arm, knocking the blow done so it screeched across his armor, his momentary grip lost in the blur of melee. Penny lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Jamie in a desperate bid to trap the knife away from his flesh, catching him in a bear hug.
Jamie began wriggling his free hand out of Penny’s constricting hold, moving it towards the more securely caught fist which held the knife, and Penny reacted with instinctual fervor, lifting one knee and swinging it in on Jamie’s ribs. All this got him was a grunt, but still Jamie’s hand was looser than before, and now Penny had a second or two only.
Penny couldn’t see anything else to do, and he had neither weapon nor the will to use it, so he hooked one foot behind Jamie’s, feeling the rush of eager, lucid waters past their legs, and jerked inward, back, toppling them into the current. The water licked with rough, regardless haste at both their faces as it splashed, and Jamie had let go of the knife.
Penny rolled, his hands scraping along the rock of the shelf they wrestled on, but he paid it no mind as he grabbed at the knife where it lay, still, scarlet curling off it, three feet off at the pool’s bottom. Jamie moved just a moment later.
The sudden scuffle of splashing water, elbows cracking on armor, and water- choked gasps ended with the knife in Penny’s hand. His finger bled, true, but he had the knife.
Jamie now stood at the edge of the waterfall, just in front of the picturesque, irregular teeth of their half-moon battlefield, panting.
Penny looked down at himself with a smile, his eyes flickering across the growing red smear on his side where the knife had found its way around his breastplate.
“I just want to escape,” Penny said, settling into the familiar firmness of fighting stance, knife gripped in his rear hand, “I just want to leave this island.” He looked at Jamie for a moment longer, then sighed. “I’m not going to kill you, man.”
New Version:
Penny’s eyes flashed from Jamie’s scarlet dagger to his face, then, with an effort of will, to his chest, waiting for movement. The dagger had not been scarlet a few moments ago, before it dipped into Penny’s ribs. Now the blood rolled off its steel, drip-drip into the water, to curl like a red smoke-snake in the stream before rushing past the stone teeth, over the edge, to the whirlpool below their feet.
“Can we settle this peaceably?” Penny asked, but it sounded weak. “Like men.”
“Coward.” Jamie’s grin gritted between his teeth as he charged, knife slashing across Penny’s body, reaching for his throat. Penny’s hand slammed into Jamie’s arm, knocking the blow down, letting it screech across his armor. He was too close for a disarm. Instead, he lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Jamie’s ribs and squeezing, holding the knife down, away from his vitals. The blade scraped against his side but had no leverage to hurt.
Jamie struggled; Penny’s hold on him was convulsive but uneven, and Jamie’s empty hand crept towards the knife. Penny reacted on instinct, clinging to Jamie as he lifted his knee and jammed it into Jamie’s side. All this got him was a grunt, and Penny didn’t think he could hold Jamie much longer. Already his grip was slacking.
Penny rolled, his hands scraping against the rock below them as he threw himself towards the knife. He had no time, just three feet of distance and scarlet curling off of the knife’s edge and Jamie a moment behind him.
Penny couldn’t see anything else to do, and he had neither weapon nor the will to use it, so he hooked one foot behind Jamie’s, feeling the rush of eager, lucid waters past their legs, and jerked inward, back, toppling them into the current. The water licked with rough, regardless haste at both their faces as it splashed, and Jamie had let go of the knife.
Penny rolled, his hands scraping against the rock below them as he threw himself towards the knife. He had no time, just three feet of distance and scarlet curling off of the knife’s edge and Jamie a moment behind him.
They landed on it at almost the same moment, a sudden scuffle of splashing water, elbows cracking on armor, and water-choked gasps. Then the knife was in Penny’s hand. His finger bled, true, but he had the knife, and Jamie stood panting at the edge of the waterfall. Behind him, past their platform’s jagged stone teeth, the world fell, down, down, down, and the whirlpool roared in welcome.
Penny looked down at himself with a smile; he couldn’t tell quite where the red smear on his side originated from, but he couldn’t feel it either, so it didn’t matter. He looked back up. “I just want to escape,” he said, settling into the familiar firmness of fighting stance, southpaw, knife gripped in his rear hand, blade down. “I just want to leave the island.” He looked at Jamie for a moment longer, then sighed. “I’m not going to kill you, man.”